Rob (moneymark) wrote,

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Absolutely hopeless...

Sometimes I wonder, I wonder why I do this to myself. In the past 3 months I've had plenty of opportunities to go out with plenty of wonderful, beautiful girls. Yet I haven't taken any of them up. And it's not that I'm afraid or anything, but that I can't get this one, single girl out of my head.

The first time I saw her... well, I can't honestly remember... it was probably years ago. But the first time I really took notice of her, the first time I remembered her after the fact, this was 3 months ago. It was at my sisters dance performance. Sitting 3 or 4 seats away from her, she was reading the program and as she spotted one of the pieces of music being used I overheard her say "Herbaliser!! I love the Herbaliser!!"

I fell in love... well, no I didn't really. That would be just plain stalkerish. But I did all of a sudden have an incredible infatuation with this girl. You see, my musical tastes are completely and totally different from those of my friends. I listen to pretty much anything... my library consists of some fairly popular stuff like Mos Def, Gorillaz, Tool, but it mostly consists of stuff my friends have never even heard of, stuff like DJ Shadow, Mr Lif, Digable Planets, Ugly Duckling, Pocket Dwellers, Breakestra, Aphex Twin, Squarepusher, Thelonius Monk, Mogwai, DJ Krush, ANYTHING NINJATUNE... and of course Herbaliser. And if I try to introduce them to it they just knock it and go back to listening to shit like Ludacris, Nelly, and other forms of dog excrement.

Shit, getting off track... So, when I hear this girl say "I love Herbaliser" I was blown away. I have never known anyone my age that knew Herbaliser before I introduced them to it, let alone someone who LIKED it. And to top it all off when I turned to see who said it I saw one of the most beautiful girls I'd ever been lucky enough to grace my eyes upon... I never got a chance to talk to her though, I was with my family at the time and when the show was over it was just a mess of people in the tiny hallway. So I left without knowing anything more about her... didn't even find out her name... I simply referred to her as the Vaguely Asian girl.

3 weeks later, at another of my sisters performances I saw her again. I was sitting in the back row and I watched her as she walked in with a friend. And as she was walking to her seat she actually looked up, smiling, and looked directly at me. During intermission we caught each others glances from across the room multiple times.

When the show was over, I left my family to go find my sister, and as I was walking along the hall I saw the girl right up ahead of me, and she saw me. I walked towards her, and she was smiling at me, and I had the absolute perfect chance. But something clicked inside me, and I never said anything to her... I just gave the rose to my sister, hugged her, and went back. I fucked it up, majorly.

If the same situation were to happen today, I would absolutely have taken that chance. The girl has been constantly on my mind... through my sister and others I now know her name, her school, and a bunch of other stuff, but I have no way of actually meeting her... yet...

As it turns out someone I work with goes to school with her, they're both dance majors, and they're actually friends. So at this point I'm just trying to orchestrate things so that I get another chance...

Christ on a cross, this has become one big, mangled entry... completely devoid of structure. Here is the summary:


And if I ever do get to meet this girl, I'm deleting this post. If she ever found it she'd probably think I'm a stalker or something :P
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